The Doctor Patient Conundrum
Over the last ten years, I’ve seen my fair share of doctors. The following story is from my book, Comedy in Everyday Life. The doctor patient conundrum illustrates some of the events and rituals that I’ve been exposed to that really are probably standard for most people. I’ve added a little humor to make the story more enjoyable.
The story:
As I learn to accept the limitations that come with age, doctor appointments have become an integral part of my life. Checkups, injuries, and illnesses come and go, but it feels like I’m continually adding more appointments and then making follow up appointments the next week. In addition, I’ve discovered a pattern to every physician’s visit that didn’t exist in the old days.
This pattern isn’t obvious at first. Sitting in the waiting room with the other patients, I still persist with my usual stoic detachment. In truth, the appointments seem to be nearly always on time, and since I almost always arrive early, it often only appears the office is running late. Finally, when my name has been called, just like always, I feel as if I’ve won some contest. Next, I proudly stride down the hall. But unlike the old days, I’m escorted to yet another smaller room, and then I seem to always forget about this middle step.
Soon a nurse enters the room and asks for my name and birthday. (Honestly, these two questions are asked so often, I’d like to tattoo the information on my forehead, but I’m afraid it might seem to be suggesting the apocalypse.) The nurse then interrogates me about all the other information she must write down on my chart. After that she says the infamous words, “The doctor will be right with you,” or “there are two patients ahead of you.”
Of course, these statements actually mean “it’s possible the doctor may be right in,” and “there at least two patients ahead of you.” Now I’m on ‘doctor time,’ and every time I hear the shuffling in the hallway, a rap on a door or even a door opening, I fervently hope (expect) that the doctor is coming to see me.
Nevertheless, when my physician finally comes in, he’s ready to work. But there is one thing my doctors always seems to be able to diagnose. Whether I have the flu, insomnia, or a sprained wrist, I also hear the word arthritis. “It could have something to do with your arthritis.” Yes, I have arthritis, but that doesn’t mean it affects every diagnosis all the time.
Even worse, whenever the “A” word is brought into the conversation; I know I’m treading close to the dreaded physical therapy option. Once, under my breath, I mumbled, “I hate physical therapy.” The doctor overheard me, and she said, “Yeah, everybody hates physical therapy.” I felt better. At least there appear to be others who have reservations about (you know) physical therapy.
It’s not that physical therapy has no value, but the proposition that it will always work out isn’t true. These latest physical therapy sessions aren’t my first P.T. rodeo, and all the effort doesn’t always pay off. In addition, the whole process is tedious: driving, signing in, waiting, the therapy, and then driving home makes for a long day. Moreover, there’s always homework!
But I have to say that patients in any physician’s office can also be a real handful. For instance, they don’t follow through on advice about eating, drinking, and exercise. Then there is the problem of all doctors in training (including me). I’m describing the self-diagnosis many of us make with the help of the internet. The obsessive tracking down of symptoms, in order to suggest possible diagnoses for the doctor, creates contrary results within the internet searches themselves. The assertion, “I found it on the internet so it must be right,” has taken on a sense of genuine irony over the years. Our physicians are generally tolerant of our bumbling around, but mostly we’re way off the mark.
In our culture, some people consider themselves a little smarter than the rest of us. (Try talking to a resistant parent about vaccinations.) Despite our input, the doctor is ultimately held responsible for all decisions he/she makes in the office. To say “the buck” stops with them is an understatement.
It also seems unfair to blame physicians for the rising cost for medical services. Doctors pay a fortune for malpractice insurance, and this creates an added burden for them. This problem is exacerbated by clever attorneys. They seem all too eager to cash in on any mistake or perceived mistake they encounter. They also encourage their clients by asserting that a huge law suit will somehow make doctors and hospitals better.
Let me illustrate, by paraphrasing a typical TV commercial about nursing home neglect. First, the lawyer asks if a loved one has been injured or has died in a nursing home. Next, they talk about justice and they assert “so it doesn’t happen to anyone else.” First, the assertion strongly suggests that money will force nursing homes to do a better job. I suppose that’s possible. But I’m pretty sure that all residents in nursing homes will eventually die, no matter what the lawyer seems to suggest. So, nursing home deaths will continue to happen to everyone else. I doubt even lawyers have a law suit available to beat the grim reaper in court.
I don’t know for sure, but it’s possible, the greater the unrealistic pressures doctors must face, the more likely they will not “think out of the box” with their diagnoses.” By, the way, I ‘m almost certain my arthritis is completely my doctor’s fault. I’m going to watch TV now.
I hope you enjoyed my observations about doctor visits and that you recognized a few details. I hope all is well with you, See you next week!
(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.)
Quotes:
“Never trust a doctor whose house plants have died.” Anonymous
“I read that 88% of adults trust their doctors - well, 100% of dead people don’t!” Stewart Stafford
“A life saved is a family saved.” Abhijit Naskar
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