Unselfish Giving
One character trait I’ve really had to work on in my life is the idea of being selfish. Unselfish giving - sometimes called selfless service - has been difficult for me because when I’d do almost anything, I would want some benefit to accrue for me. Usually this means I desire recognition for all I do. I’m never satisfied or motivated to participate in any activity unless I receive some relationship reward of some kind. Over the years, I’ve come to realize, however, that for me, recognition is a bottomless pit that never quite gets filled no matter how much praise or recognition I receive.
But since I’ve become aware of my need for recognition, I’ve learned what unselfish giving really means. First, helping others should be based on need rather than if I feel someone desires help. Since the only criterion is the need for help; recognition is not part of the equation. This leads me to the whole idea of being “helpful.” Usually, helpful implies a sense of superiority of some kind. Instead, I like to use the term “useful” because this implies humility instead of pride. How many times do individuals talk about how they helped someone with a sense of the other person being inferior in some way. With this in mind there is more of a feeling of genuine compassion when the word useful is used.
Unselfish service also has no expectation of results. It means I try to do my best and leave the results of action to God. This is more easily said than done because unconditional love and service create a relationship based on trust instead of one-party taking credit or expecting fame, recognition or financial gain. Unselfish giving is a difficult concept because it is easy to fall into the trap of doing things in order to be recognized while often the other party feels inferior or subordinate to the giver. As Jesus once stated “don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing.” Jesus also taught us to do things in secret and leave the result to God.
Perhaps a good example of unselfish service or unselfish giving is a mother’s love for her children. Regardless of what they do, a mother is almost always loving and patient. Some would even go a step further and say that God is like a mother who gives unconditional love to his children on earth. Although it’s true that justice is also important, I believe it is much less important than love. Genuine forgiveness is a truly rare quality for humans but not, I believe, for God.
Another effect of unselfish giving is cooperation instead of competition. When cooperation is the main focus; it tends to create a sense of belonging and unity. By cooperating with no sense of superiority, good feelings are promoted. Competition usually implies a loser as well. Even in education when grades are based on a curve, there are winners and losers.
It is certainly also true that our whole economic system is based on competition. It is considered worthwhile in promoting growth and managing change. I agree wholeheartedly, but I also wonder how often competition isn’t really needed when cooperation could also be effective while also helping with self-esteem issues. When individuals put too much stress on themselves to compete, it can be damaging because only with success does a person develop a positive self-image.
I’d like to finish this newsletter by including my original sayings entitled “Unselfish Giving.” Have a great day and I’ll see you next time!
Unselfish Giving
Some may help others and do what they can.
Others will give but only when asked.
Service with ego is aid cloaked in pride.
Service in silence is God in disguise.
Service with motive expects some reward.
Worse is the absence of giving at all.
Offering service is not always clear.
The eye of compassion sees need everywhere.
Those who are feeble may think they can’t help,
But doing no harm is service itself.
Seldom is service an unwitnessed act.
Only God sees anonymous friends.
So many people are helped and restored.
They are the people who someday help more.
Some leaders may give and some leaders take.
Speeches are empty if people lose faith.
God in his wisdom may sometimes hold back.
He waits for the moment when helping is best.
Some may believe their service is real,
But fail to assist their parents in need.
(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.)
Quotes:
“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
“As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision.” – Helen Keller
“If selfishness is the key to being miserable, then selflessness must be the key to being happy!” – Joyce Meyer
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