How may I not help you?

Over the years, I’ve had a number of good counselors who have helped me. Nevertheless, I’ve also had some pretty awful ones. I thought I’d share some of those experiences in this newsletter.

Counselors can be extraordinarily helpful if they possess both knowledge and compassion. Yet, knowledge alone may often prove to be cold and cynical, while compassion alone becomes more sentimental than useful. For a number of years, I needed counseling because of a serious illness, and I experienced a great difference between excellent counselors and less competent ones. Some individuals actually tested my patience rather than instilling me with hope.

One such counseling experience felt more like a series of put downs rather than sessions of positive assistance. My counselor represented the epitome of the “cool” counselor. He owned a stylish backpack, wore expensive hiking shoes, and sported a beard and long hair. He also spoke in an authoritative tone and incessantly redirected me to his words of advice. In that way, his flow of information could be unimpeded. At the time, I had just left college and needed money and stability, so I could return to school. The counselor’s advice stressed my limited abilities, and that I needed to be satisfied working in a factory for my career. Not only is factory work extremely demanding, but I also have more aptitude with books than I have with bolts. The counselor left six months later to find “true purpose” in the Rocky Mountains. I sincerely hope that his new purpose didn’t include helping other people.

I remember another strange encounter with a counselor years ago. Back then a counselor needed only a bachelor’s degree to be qualified to assist people. This counselor had a degree in geology, and his inspiring attitude substituted for his lack of knowledge. Behind his desk, on the wall, he displayed a poster that read: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Honestly, simple solutions and cute catchy phrases reveal more about the counselor than they do about their client. If the solution actually was that easy, we would simply do it!

A more disturbing counseling experience occurred in California. I found a counselor to discuss some of my anxieties, and after a few sessions he recommended that my wife come as well. Fair enough. However, the counselor billed us for two people each time my wife accompanied me. At that time, we didn’t have much money and paying the surprise bills proved to be difficult. Luckily, after we canceled our future appointments and paid the bill, we didn’t need to pay him ever again.

The last incident remains one of my saddest memories concerning counselors even though I witnessed it indirectly. Before I finished college, I lived in a halfway house, so I would be prepared to live on my own. Six of us lived together with staff, and everyone was required to work and complete chores. However, one woman at the house refused to go to work, and she mostly refused to get out of bed to do chores. Some of the residents (I hope I wasn’t one) stressed the unfairness of her being allowed to stay home and sleep. These childish complaints intensified as the weeks passed. Finally, one of the house counselors diagnosed the woman with depression and, she was given medication and encouragement. Three weeks later, the woman died of bone cancer. It turned out she wasn’t lazy or simply depressed. Sometimes, when counselors are bad, they’re terrible. Fortunately, I knew many good ones too.

(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.).

Quotes:

“If you're going to counsel people - and that's all my ministry is, it's a counseling ministry more than anything else - people have to believe that they can trust you and that they can listen to you, that you're going to try to help them and not just politically try to convert them to your views.” - Robert H. Schuller

“Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.” - Pericles

“I go to therapy just so someone will talk to me without looking at their phone.” - Patrick Walsh

​https://www.facebook.com/writerjohnfzurn​

​https://www.portalstoinnerdimensions.com/​

photos by: muhammad-firdaus-abdullah-yLkvD7ReU2w-unsplash; shubham-dhage-t0Bv0OBQuTg-unsplash