Finishing Well
Having just had a birthday and joined the seventy-two-year club with my brother-in-law Ken and my childhood best friend David, I started reminiscing about the past. To be honest, my fondest memories have been of high school over fifty-years ago! High school was a time of adventure and since the drinking age was eighteen, my friends and I had keg parties and after game get-togethers and all summer long. I made great friends back then as well. I had friends from cross-country, track, band and classes. But my sister was also popular and she was only a year behind me in school, so we had many mutual friends in a nice little group. This also made me less awkward around girls which has also been a lifelong blessing. Although I had friends in college and at jobs and even in institutions, I still remember high school.
But I also worked for my uncle at his one hundred room resort in the Catskills where I was a bartender for three summers. There were cocktail waiters, other bartenders, waitresses and even maintenance workers whom I hung out with.
It was then that I began to seriously examine my life and felt an inner impulse to seek out something better for my life. About the same time, I started exhibiting symptoms of mental illness. And it’s been so painful looking back at all the people I was friends with that I usually block it out completely.
Now that I’m retired, I spend much of my time alone or with my wife, Donna. Fortunately, we were married over forty years ago, and she has been my best friend since the beginning of our relationship. I also have several nieces and nephews who keep us in the loop and this we greatly appreciate.
I suppose there are some things I would change about my life, that I still would like to work on, but the biggest one is my feelings of loneliness. For my entire adult life, I have always had to have people around especially when it came to living arrangements. I could never make it on my own completely, whether it was college, halfway houses or church people who took me in. Wherever I was, I always have needed others to fend off feelings of loneliness.
It’s not that I don’t have faith in God, I do. It’s not that God hasn’t helped me in any number of ways. He/She has. It’s just difficult for me to spend a lot of time by myself.
So, this will be my challenge. I need to find at state of mind where I can feel alone without being lonely. Since my world has become dramatically more open since my health issues in the last three years have been solved, I can now get more involved with others, or learn to accept my life as it is.
I need to also follow through with writing, exercise and reading and especially hiking with Donna. Continuing to devote myself to meditation will also help to improve my self-confidence and sense of purpose. By following a daily routine and trying to change when it’s important, I hope to meet the challenge of loneliness and, as they say, “finish well.” As I’m getting older, I’d like to remain in good health and keep an open mind about new experiences. I’d like to finish this newsletter with a couple of poems about my relationship with God. See you next time!
From my book, Poems of Hope and Inspiration:
He Won’t Abandon You
When thoughts turn into worries,
And your heart knows only fear,
Think of God and surely,
His love will draw you near.
If the problems that surround you,
Bring you loneliness and pain;
Believe that God will help you,
And that hope will come again.
Remember God is loving,
And there’s nothing He can’t do;
Although despair is growing,
He won’t abandon you.
So, give to God the glory,
And practice self-control.
He is the Lord Almighty.
His love will make you whole.
God is Still the Friend I Love
It seems for me the time has passed
For worried thoughts
Careful plans
And seeking goals.
Now every challenge I accept
Is unresolved
Misapplied
Or disallowed.
My life is stuck with sinking verse
That drains my heart
Infects my mind
And chokes my soul.
I see a world that fails to love
That cares for none
With no controls
That overwhelms.
But God will not
Abandon me
Ignore my prayers
Or leave me out.
My Lord will surely
Take the wheel
Restore my faith
And find me here.
For God is still the friend I love
The truth I seek
The grace I need
Who lights my way.
So, I surrender all my futures
Locked in thought
Lost in self
Fixed in time.
So, now I pray God helps me soon by
Guiding today
Protecting tomorrow
And absorbing my soul.
(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.)
Quotes:
"The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." - Unknown
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." – Mark Twain
"You don't stop laughing when you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing." –
George Bernard Shaw
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photos by: saish-menon-9i3HoE7zryI-unsplash; personal photo
