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My Father
My relationship with my father is complicated. He was fiercely competitive and it was always “his way or the highway.” He also got angry a lot, but raising seven children with all its challenges must have been difficult for him. But as I look back with my experiences with my dad, there are a number of things he did that helped me on my journey:
*Dad was our little league coach.
*Dad became our boy scout master so we could go out camping instead of spending every week in the church basement.
*Dad also bought me a trumpet and paid for lessons. He even took me there at night after work.
*When I became ill, my parents tried to help me for many years.
*There were also instances when I was required to do things which at the time seemed cruel, but in the end turned out to be the right thing to do. For example, when I was in college in Rochester New York, my father told me to move out to Illinois. I had to leave all my high school friends. However, I ended up meeting my wife at Western Illinois University, so it was the right thing to do to move.
*Once my father demanded that I go summer school for history and Algebra II. I got A’s in both classes which really boosted my self-confidence.
*We also had a Sunday paper route for a while, and my father got up at five o’clock to help us with it.
*Once when I was out of work, my father found an ad for restaurant managers for Jack-in the-Box, and I was able to manage two restaurants for a couple of years.
*My father was also genuinely proud of me for all he presentations I did for the National Alliance on Mental Illness - NAMI.
*My dad also owned a hardware store, and I was able work there several times when I couldn’t find a teaching job.
Nevertheless, there was one thing we could never agree on. He wanted me to be in business and I wanted to be an English teacher. This put a great deal of stress on our relationship.
*He also strongly believed that medications were the sure cure for my mental illness, when actually medications were only the end of the beginning for me.
*We also argued a lot about politics until I finally realized how difficult it was for my mother.
However, probably the two best things my father taught me were perseverance and positive thinking. Although he could be impatient, dad also was a very hard worker. He was very resilient and taught me self-discipline too.
For a long time, I did blame my father for all my failures and challenges. But as I matured, I began to take more responsibility for all my failures and successes.
There was one thing I had to overcome in a spiritual sense. The idea of God the father is important because depending on one’s father it can affect how God is viewed. I noticed a lot of minsters, who had wonderful fathers, tended to stress their positive relationship to God, and it seemed to be based in part on their relationship with their earthly father.
However, overall, I feel quite fortunate to have had such a hard-working dad. Growing up, he was strict, but as I look around at individuals who had no father, it seems their lives could be difficult indeed. For example, boys without fathers are much more likely to end up in trouble or even in jail. I feel fortunate to have a father who cared so deeply about his children that he was constantly required to make sacrifices. Frankly, I can’t imagine how my father did it all. I’m sure I couldn’t have done it. So, here’s to you, Dad. Thanks, for all your love and sacrifice.
Below is a poem called “Perseverance” from my book Poems of Faith, Hope and Love.
Perseverance
Lord, I need your strength and courage
to see me through another day.
Even as my fears are stirring,
I need you as I start to pray.
So many times I’ve turned to you
when all these storm clouds come around.
Now I’m not sure what to do
when disappointments get me down.
Every day brings constant struggles,
and sometimes I must walk alone.
This endless sea of fear and trouble
makes me think all hope is gone.
So, I need to follow your example
because you always know the way.
I must learn to trust and follow
when emotions rock my faith.
What I need is perseverance
and the will to forge ahead.
Gratitude along with patience
must be my ever constant friends.
I now will face all life’s encounters
and with courage I’ll be strong.
With your help, Lord, I’ll remember
to seek your wisdom from now on.
(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.)
Quotes:
A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society. Billy Graham
Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation. They are teachers and coaches. They are mentors and role models. They are examples of success and the men who constantly push us toward it. Barack Obama
I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. Sigmund Freud
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