The Mystery of Anxiety

It is safe to say that nearly everyone struggles with anxiety in their lives. Whether it’s stress at work, a health concern or problems with relationships, anxiety is usually present. Since everyone’s frame of reference may be quite different when discussions about anxiety occur, I thought I might describe my own experiences. For me, this mysterious feeling has been difficult to comprehend and manage.

I’ve struggled with anxiety for my entire life. As a child I was considered to be too sensitive and often took things too seriously. I could even be quite sad and inevitably cry. Often I hated confrontation and wanted everyone to like me. I also believed the worst would happen in stressful situations. This all made growing up difficult because I lacked self-knowledge about myself and others. With six siblings born about ten years apart, it seemed like there was always some crisis occurring that tested my father’s patience and my mother‘s perseverance.

As I grew into adulthood, this need for constant validation, fear of confrontation and the desire for peace of mind became all consuming. But there was always a problem with anxiety that was difficult for me to understand. I sometimes became stressed for no apparent reason. I was eventually diagnosed with social anxiety and bipolar disorder. My worries worsened with no sleep, or when I felt out of place. Anxiety also lingered when I recalled some traumatic memories that still haunted me at times. Anxiety and stress were even attributed to chemical imbalances in my brain. The last two years have been particularly stressful because of three major health concerns that all required hospitalizations. It seemed I was anxious much of the time.

In addition to all these anxiety challenges, there were things about stress I still found to be unexplainable despite medication, counseling and coping skills. It was after reading a book called, The Healed Empath, by Kristen Schwartz in which I learned that at least some of my stress was caused by actually feeling the anxiety of others without even realizing it. Like an emotional empath, I sometimes absorb the emotions of others as if they were my own and found myself exposed to the emotional distress of others as an actual experience. I have often taken on the energy of individual people and the energy of crowds as well. This energy has drained me and often left me tired and nervous. As an empath I also crave sleep, so I can start the next day fresh in order to address all the energy I might absorb during the day.

Now, I’ve suspected for many years that this problem with empathy was somehow relevant to my life. I used to believe it was probably an “uninvited influence.” I eventually learned to clear my aura on a regular basis, meditate, engage in physical exercise and write creatively, which all helped. Prayer also makes me feel better as well. But despite my best efforts, I still struggle with anxiety because emotional empathy is a lifelong condition that can be minimized but not eliminated according to Schwartz.

Because of this, I often like spend time alone where the energy of other doesn’t distress me. Even then, however, some negative energy might still be around that affects me. Because of my problems with feeling the emotions of others, I have had to accept limitations because I get stressed or anxious. So, I visit others for only a few hours at a time.

Since emotional empathy is considered to be a creative gift for many empaths, writing is my way of contributing to society without becoming too involved with others for long periods of time.

I realize that I am an emotional empath, and this has greatly helped me to understand that although I clearly have mental health concerns, all the counseling in the world never even discussed their influence of empathy in my life. As I look back, I now understand I wasn’t simply mentally ill in the past, but I was also experiencing the effects of being an empath.

This newsletter might appear to be “a little out there” but this discussion about my emotions has been true to my experience. I also thought these ideas about anxiety might be, perhaps, useful. Thanks so much for letting me share some of my thoughts about the sources of anxiety and empathy. See you next week.

(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.)

Quotes:

“If you’re fighting moodiness and depression you don’t want to hang around a bunch of other moody and depressed people.” Joyce Meyer

“You know sometimes when you’re in a really bad mood and you’re not sure why? That’s how I get sometimes.” Maisie Williams

“Nothing lifts me out of a bad mood better than a hard workout on my treadmill. It never fails. Exercise is nothing short of a miracle.” Cher

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