Star Trek and the Wrath of John
Since most of my newsletters tend to be serious, I thought I’d include a humorous one. In my book, The Comedy of Everyday Life, I have a chapter about the television show Star Trek. The setting of the story is an imaginary support group for spouses of Star Trek enthusiasts. To this day, my wife, Donna, still loves the show, so the story is still relevant.
Hello, my name is John, and my wife is addicted to Star Trek. … (“Hi, John!”) My wife’s problem initially began when she recorded every episode of Star Trek and then put them all in chronological order. This obsession has grown worse and now she has developed the need to purchase the entire series, the movies and subsequent spin-offs. This fixation gradually spread to expensive Christmas ornaments and even the Star Trek game. Since Donna has always had a great career that far surpasses any jobs I’ve had, I can’t complain too much about the Christmas knick-knacks. However, I refuse to play the board game with her because she might be smarter than I am.
Nevertheless, here is another appropriate illustration of my wife’s compulsion. Several years ago, we visited Las Vegas for my brother-in-law’s wedding. At one major hotel the Star Trek Experience was featured as a major event. My wife obviously wanted (needed) to buy a ticket, while I didn’t want to spend the money for both of us. So, while she spent two hours in trek heaven, I spent the time in purgatory wandering around the casino scrutinized by a security guard.
Another example of my wife’s obsession has been her use of Star Trek phrases like “No Kill I,” “phasors on stun” and “Warp speed Mr. Sulu.” She also seems to have “the willing suspension of disbelief about the show.” When I mentioned the starship was actually composed of cardboard, and the explosions on the bridge were comical, I received the silent treatment. I learned to be more careful about sharing my opinions about the series in general after that particular time out.
But recently one of the stars of the original series actually did go into outer space. Since I’m afraid to go up on the roof, I’m beginning to feel threatened. I think my wife might respect the Captain more than she does me. Perhaps I’m boring, but at least I’m a real person most of the time.
Although I have limitations concerning my abilities, at least I have a pretty good sense of humor. When I mentioned to my wife that I had once been accepted at Starfleet Academy, she laughed for a long time. “So I got that going for me.”
I guess I’m in this support group because my wife seems to have more of an affinity to the Star Trek characters than she does for me. Honestly, it’s not that I dislike the show. I think I don’t like it that she likes the show so much.
To be fair, my wife’s addiction is not as unusual as many people think, and it affects almost everyone. I must also admit I somewhat enjoy many of the Star Trek episodes although I’m not particularly fond of the holodeck characters. I also need to state that my wife has no interest in alcohol, smoking or taking drugs. Finally, I just want to say that I want to “Live long and not be ignored.”
Thanks for listening to my story in this support group. (Polite applause?)
I hope you enjoyed my story. For more humorous stories see my book, The Comedy Of Everyday Life. Have a great day and I’ll see you next week.
(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.)
Quotes:
“To boldly go where no man has gone before.” Captain James T. Kirk
“Humans do have an amazing capacity for believing what they choose and excluding that which is painful.” Spock
“Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on.” Captain James T. Kirk
“Aaahh Kirk, my old friend. Do you know the Klingon proverb which tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold … in space.” Khan
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Photo credits: personal photo; dom-talbot-ZuFxrKGzAj4-unsplash
