My Latest Published Poetry
I’d like to devote this newsletter to some poems that have recently been published. Taken from a collection of personal stories, interviews, short prose and poetry called Anxiety and Depression compiled by Robin Barratt, it has one hundred and fourteen writers and poets from around the world. My personal story was included in this anthology, along with six poems. Since I shared my personal journey in a previous newsletter, I thought I might share a few poems today.
The six poems in the collection are quite different from my most widely read verse because they don’t focus on my philosophy of life. Instead they represent specific moment in time in which doubt and anxiety have been overwhelming emotions. The reader may wonder how a person with a philosophy of faith can write about these difficult moments of anxiety and depression. Doesn’t it negate faith?
Simply put, there have been times in my life when negative thoughts and feelings cannot be overcome by belief. Nevertheless, when I write poems about difficult moments, they can bring closure for me. Writing these poems requires me to identify and describe these complex feelings. By writing down these emotions, I can say to myself “that’s it” and allow the depression to gradually fade. Slowly, hope and faith return because by sharing these poems I feel a sense of accomplishment and understand that I’ve been heard. It’s almost as if by writing down these emotions, they lose their power over me.
I’ve included three of these poems in my newsletter today. So when you read them, you might be tempted to believe that I have lost my faith and sense of purpose. However, like most poets, some of my poems are like snapshots in time that eventually pass away. I hesitated to share my story and poems because I worry that the reader might see me as weak or worse. But by writing these poems, I am able to share these feelings with others who also experience feelings of anxiety and depression. I hope you find these examples of states of mind and changing moods thought-provoking.
Escaping Depression
If I could be delusional,
I’d breakthrough this rigid reality.
I’d follow my own secret rituals,
and my powers would be limitless.
I’d sing and dance down mystic roads,
and I’d create my own identity.
My liquid life would be magnificent,
as I pushed through with my adventure.
But then some do-gooder or angry cop
might follow, trap and silence me,
so I would abandon my sacred journey.
Then I’d crash in some lonely ordinary room,
and euphoria and joy would break down again
into a tiny morbid nothingness...
The world is dangerous to the mentally ill,
so I swallow my pills in gratitude,
and play it safe in their reality.
This poem looks back on experiences that lifted my depression, but without medications, lead to dangerous situations.
“Coping”
I’m trapped inside this crooked mind
that pushes through to break silence.
I can’t control these thoughts that roam
and crouch behind each corner.
There is no joy or peaceful mood,
only flickering hope, then doubt.
This isn’t mental illness though
unless this secret sadness counts.
Now as the moment fades away,
and the door swings shut but opens;
without conquers within again,
and the day begins with coping.
Sometimes the day is mostly about coping and simply getting through it.
Gloom
Like a hamster on a spinning wheel,
Like a car stuck in the snow,
I’ve been here so many times
inside this black forbidding cloud.
This dull routine repeats itself
with no beginning or no end.
In this stifling damaged cardboard box,
I’m in the “patient” mode again.
It may be my perception
or just lack of gratitude,
or just some bad reaction
to the world I thought I knew.
A secret mood to escape the gloom
is something I must resist.
So I can’t jump into insanity
and slide off into the abyss.
I will not do the “walk of shame”
yet somehow I must exist.
Tomorrow may be different,
then it isn’t.
This poem attempts to describe how depression can be tenacious and can deeply affect my moods and attitude.
Thank you for talking the time to read my poems and if you enjoyed them, here is a link to the entire collection of one hundred and seventeen poets and writers. See you next week!
(Please remember these are my own ideas, and I’m not attempting to persuade anyone to change theirs.)
Quotes:
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” Kahlil Gibran
“The best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety.” Deepak Chopra
“Sometimes, all you can do is to lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.” William Hannan
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